i swung the hammer

but then i blinked and, oh boy, did i miss.
my (metaphorical?) hands are swollen and tired and all sorts of smashed.

i yearn to do something creative and interesting.
everyday is this cyclic journey from stress to boredom, and the lack of motivation is beginning to show its make-up free and air dried, morning-after face.

i am very sure about that comma splice, but i don't know how to make it right.

some good things happened today, though!
carol has taken off on her journey, and sam/cali are also journeying out in a couple of hours (we travel only by the light of the moon) for the same place because cali got an internship and she gets to design furniture and live in new york city for a bit.

i don't know why my friends are so fucking cool and/or why they insist on not being here, on the floor of my trailer, watching me fall asleep.

i need to meet eyes that understand mine and can read them without me having to say/do anything. that would definitely relieve the stress of living up to whatever standards people tend to project onto others, but more importantly, themselves. i have become hyperaware of people's opinion of me lately. i have been circumnavigating my ship around the drama of being involved and i can literally feel myself becoming an outsider. i don't mind.

something gloomy is pressing me, and i can't crack it.

however, tina fey's twitter: awesome/hilarious.

that was more words than i've had in a long time.
the upside of the downside! (the middle?)

but that's enough. i am april's fool.